I am a lucky one. I have always had many friends. My sister is amazed by this, because making friends is harder for her.
Making friends takes time ....but it is well worth it.
SO I started thinking of ways for over 50 women to make friends. As we get older and we don't have the school connection - that of having my kids go to school with your kids so we see each other at all of the school events and feel like friends - to lean on... we need to think out of the box, scan the internet for ideas, ( I found some from Stella Blackmon) and also look at what we have done in the past to help grow friendships.
First, To gain a new friend we have to put ourselves out there. Boy that sounds hard just writing it. We are not going to make a friend hiding out in our homes or just hanging out on social media. Social media is a great place to renew acquaintances, see how old High School people have changed and watch baby goat videos , but actual face to face meeting is where true connection and friendship happens.
SO going to church, going to the gym, going to the party/shower/reception, starting a new hobby like quilting class, pottery class, acting class etc....participating more at work...these are all helpful places to gain a friend.
Just say something. ‘People already have their friends! They don’t want more!‘ I would hear myself think during social gatherings. We need to stop this self-fulfilling prophecy and force ourselves to walk up to people and say something — anything! Maybe the exchange will be just the run-of-the-mill, awkward small-talk, maybe we'll meet someone who also has a broadway crush on Aaron Tveit and maybe, just maybe, there could be a long-term connection there. We have to give it a shot — and bribe ourselves with ice cream or reruns when we get home.
Enjoy the world around you. We can have friendly experiences throughout our day without putting pressure on ourselves to meet a soulmate immediately. Make a point to hang out longer at work events, comment to fellow church members we pass in the hallway and engage more with neighbors. Doing these things wouldn’t necessarily lead to a best friend, but they will help us start to recognize the community we already have.
Reach out to anyone/everyone. Say Hi. Compliment. Say yes to invitations. Be open and generous. Invite the new person at church over for a lunch or a walk... heck, invite the old person that you've been going to church with for decades over for lunch or for a walk...there is friendship to be found there also.
Do more stuff. Once, when Wayne was out of town, I scheduled social events five evenings in a row. I went to the theatre, volunteered at a community event two nights, attended an art show and a cooking class. That's a lot....but, I realized, in moderation, there is magic to that mindset. It’s impossible to meet new people if we don’t try new things. What I realized is there are a lot of lonely people out there who needed connection just like me. I traded an email address to exchange book ideas, and I will volunteer again. Volunteering is a great way to meet people, and eventually those people can become friends.
Don’t panic at parties. Large social gatherings where I didn’t know many people used to give me the- I'll just say Hi and get outta there quick -feeling. It’s tricky to insert yourself into conversations and retreating to your phone in the corner feels rude. When at a wedding/baby shower/reception introduce yourself to someone you don't know. You are both at the shower/reception so there is a commonality there. At every event I’ve attended by myself, there have been others in my same boat — and that’s who I’ve approached first. We had things to talk about (the party, the host, the food) and we ended up hitting it off.
Invite people to join in. Certain things I usually do on my own — like morning walks, Sunday night strolls and matinee movies — but I’ve started asking acquaintances to join me, especially if it ties into something we’ve discussed recently. It takes the pressure off their feeling obligated to go and gives the occasion a casual feel. For example, if we had chatted about how many good movies are playing right now, I would say, “I’m going to see Wonder Woman; if you’re free, you should come!”
Give it time. We put too much pressure on ourselves when we begin new activities with the intention of finding a good friend. We need to relax and start small. When I think back to when I met my BFFs, I realized I wasn’t initially aware of how much those relationships would later mean to me. But over time, as we share experiences and lean on each other, the bond strengthens. We need to remind ourselves there isn’t a rush or goal line to friendships. It will grow naturally, if we put in the effort.
No one is ever done making friends. Like Barbra Streisand once sang, “People who need people are the luckiest people in the world.”
Have you made new friends as an adult? What worked for you?
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